One day about a month and a half ago, I came across this verse while doing my quiet time…
“You fill their womb with treasure; they are satisfied with children…”
– Psalm 17:14
It was already underlined in my Bible. I don’t remember when I did it, but I’m guessing it was during a point in time when we were begging God to give us more children.
The months when we were waiting and waiting and waiting to get pregnant with our second child. The painful months that followed after that child died. The months of grieving, healing, and wondering if we’d ever be blessed with another baby.
I didn’t like verses like that one then. I was fully aware that children were a treasure. It just seemed to be a treasure God was withholding from me. And I hated it.
What I apparently failed to see then, were the verses before and after verse 14.
The “their” and “they” that David used to describe those being satisfied with children referred to his enemies.
“…men of the world whose portion is in this life.” (vs. 14)
So, what about David?
“As for me, I shall behold Your face in righteousness; when I awake I shall be satisfied with Your likeness.” (vs. 15)
While the worldly found their satisfaction in their children, David found his satisfaction in the God who gave the children in the first place.
A reminder that even the good things of life can become idols. Using them to try to find our worth, satisfaction, purpose, and reward apart from our Creator.
In those years prior, God had used losing our baby and waiting for another to open my eyes to see my own idolatry and desire for control.
I wanted a family the way I pictured it and on my time table.
Yucky sin in my heart. The jealousy I felt when I saw pregnancies announced or picture perfect families on Facebook with evenly spaced out or planned out children. The anger that I dwelled on when I saw people having babies that didn’t even want them. The deep sorrow I plummeted to when I heard “Isn’t it about time for you to have another baby?” or “Isaiah needs a sibling and you don’t want them to be too far apart!” The inadequacy and guilt that filled my heart when I felt broken or not good enough.
I was dissatisfied with my lot. And that’s when God began softening my heart and asking this to be said of me…
“‘…and My people shall be satisfied with My goodness,’ declares the Lord.”
– Jeremiah 31:14
That my satisfaction, worth, and happiness would not be based upon earthly success, the picture perfect family, dream career, financial security, or temporal rewards, but rather on God Himself. That my definition of good would be found in Him and Him alone.
“As for me…I shall be SATISFIED with Your likeness.” (Psalm 17:15)
Trading the temporal for the eternal. The “me me me” with “You You You”.
Oh, how I wish I didn’t still struggle with this.
In the chapter just prior, David declares,
“The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot.” (Psalm 16:5)
A sharp contrast to “the men of the world whose portion is in this life” (Psalm 17:14).
Choosing to trust the Lord with my lot…so much to the point where HE is my portion – my reward, my inheritance, my joy and all I really need.
Treasuring Him above all else, knowing that He’s the only thing that can truly satisfy.
Perhaps that will allow me to see what He chooses to give as grace rather than something that I’m entitled to or deserve.
“I say to the Lord, ‘You are my Lord; I have no GOOD apart from You.'” (Psalm 16:2)
Satisified with His goodness. Whatever that may be.
About 2 weeks ago, Adam and I discovered that God had, again, filled my womb with treasure.
We are thrilled, deeply grateful, and quite overwhelmed by His graciousness in choosing to give us another biological child.
He doesn’t have to. We don’t deserve it and aren’t entitled to it.
If He chooses to allow us to carry this baby to term, we want to see it as grace.
If, instead, He can be more glorified through this baby’s death than through it’s life (Philippians 1:20), we want to see it as grace.
Grace. A gift. Unmerited. Kindess that exchanges what we thought was good for His goodness.
We’re nervous and a little fearful. Excited but afraid to be too much so.
And we desperately need His grace to help our fickle hearts truly be satisfied in Him alone.
Friends, would you be praying this way for us?
That we would set the Lord always before us and not be shaken (Psalm 16:8).
That our hearts would be glad and rejoice, finding our security in Him (Psalm 16:9).
That His presence would be where we find fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11).
We praise Him alone for this sweet gift!
“And from His fullness, we have all received grace upon grace.”
– John 1:16
“Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to Your name give glory, for the sake of Your steadfast love and Your faithfulness!”
– Psalm 115:1