I heard the barista at Starbucks give me the words that I knew would do damage. “I’m sorry we don’t have any Soy Milk.”
Selflessness is a rare trait in our world today. We rarely see it modeled consistently well. I know that it is not something that I have mastered. Some have said that you don’t realize how selfish you are until you get married. Well, I have found that to be true. Now, I don’t believe myself to be a self-absorbed “me monster” or anything of the sort. But, my selfishness was exposed in a way I did not anticipate…through the extreme selflessness of my wife.
Eight and half years ago I married the girl of my dreams. Really, she was everything I ever dreamed of in a wife. Everything I thought I wanted got blown out of the water and better when I married Megan. She is incredibly beautiful, hilarious, wise, fun, and so much more. But the qualities that rise to the top are her unapologetic and passionate love of Jesus and her selflessness.
Recently, our lives have been in a bit of flux. Wait, that is an understatement…our lives have been chaos! Our house is in a constant state of disorder, the boxes continue to pile up, the paperwork is unending, flu and colds and allergies are annoying, saying goodbye sucks, getting a mortgage is stressful, feet in two worlds is hard to manage, realizing we will be further from family we so dearly love is difficultly setting in, time to just focus on our marriage is hard to come by, Toby is crazier when daddy is home all day, stress is mounting, kids are growing, homework needs done, life keeps moving, and so so so much more….
So, with that, let me tell you some things about my wife: My wife has shown her consistent love for Jesus and her selflessness throughout all of the chaos.
– “the house is in a constant state of disorder” – through the day, but magically by the time we get the lights out and go to bed Megan has the house back in a workable state that at least leaves one room clean enough and uncluttered for the friends stopping in.
– “the boxes continue to pile up” – Meg has a system figured out of organizing our boxes and has made the packing process so much easier. She has done so much packing herself in the midst of me being on the phone, filling out paperwork, faxing documents, sending emails, getting insurance quotes, etc… We are farther along in the organized process of packing and moving due to her diligence.
– We have 3 kids – We have 3 very awesome, yet very active boys. One of the boys is our little Jack. He is 4 months old and needs mommy for pretty much everything. We have Toby. He is 2 1/2 and our little ball of energy…oh, and he is a carbon copy of his dad. He is potty training and seems to make messes faster than we pack them up. We have Isaiah. He is 6 and in first grade. Parenting Isaiah means walking him through this world with the understanding that Jesus’ influence needs to trump the worlds influence. It can be exhausting and heart wrenching when you have to have a conversation with your son about his tone, words, and disrespectful selfishness. But, I see Jesus working in his tender little heart and for that I give glory back the Father.
Meals need prepared.
Groceries need purchased.
Clothes need washed.
Isaiah’s lunch needs packed.
Toilets need scrubbed.
Diapers need changed.
Life continues..in spite of the chaos.
Oh, one more thing, Jack has a dairy intolerance. This means that for him to get the sustenance he needs from Meg, she has to cut dairy out of her diet. Now, folks this is just one more reason why men would not be able to have babies. I’d rather donate a kidney than give up dairy. But, my wife loves her kids and her selflessness kicks in and she cuts dairy out of her life.
So, yesterday we took a quick trip to Hatboro to do a final walk through of our new house. We wanted Isaiah and Toby to see the house and we wanted to get some measurements and whatnot before next weeks move. My wife is not a needy woman. She looks forward to little things that to her are big things. So, a Decaf Soy Vanilla Latte from Starbucks is a little piece of heaven for her in the midst of our chaos. We didn’t get one on our way down because she wanted to be able to fully enjoy it. We didn’t get it at a stand alone store while in town because we didn’t have time. We decided that when we stopped at the Blue Mountain Turnpike rest stop Meg would get her little escape.
We had three boys all put in the back seat of our Honda Civic needing mom pretty much non stop the whole trip. They travel well, but when a pacifier falls or a book falls, or the movie needs reset, or the snack needs given, or the light needs turned on…Mom turns around and takes care of it. So, we will stop at the rest stop, eat, feed Jack, use the potty, stretch legs, get drinks at Starbucks for Mom and Dad, put on Frozen in the back seat, and enjoy a few moments of solitude while drinking the Nectar from Eden otherwise known as coffee.
Now, remember, Meg can’t have dairy. I go order her drink and hear the barista say it. “I’m sorry we don’t have any Soy Milk.” I reluctantly informed my wife of this deathblow news and saw the disappointment in her face. I wanted to fix it…I wanted to some how make it right. I wanted her to have her coffee. I wanted her to have her moment of peace.
We got our kids in the car and headed down the road.
It seems like Mom’s get crapped on a lot. Sometimes literally…but for the most part I am speaking figuratively. My wife is supposed to know where everyones stuff is at all times. (Including at least one pair of my glasses) She is supposed to do without so the kids and daddy can do with. She is supposed to take 3 minute showers while daddy gets to take a 15 minute one after an additional 15-20 minutes of doing a number 2. She is supposed to make sure that clothes are clean even if the dirty ones are scattered throughout the house. She is supposed to make sure that we have food to eat for all meals. She is supposed to take care of me and the boys before her self consistently. She is supposed to be completely and totally taken for granted….right? I mean isn’t that what the world says I should expect from her? Supermom right? She can do all of this while taking amazing pictures of our boys and writing blogs.
I saw ugliness in me yesterday. I saw that I have come to EXPECT Megan to be selfless. I saw that I have come to EXPECT her to put up with my slothfulness and get all of the other stuff done in spite of what I get done. I saw that I have come to feel ENTITLED to her selflessness. I saw that I have come to feel CALLUSED to her graciousness. I saw that it had been a long time since I showed appreciation or gratitude for her unending selflessness.
So, to close it out, I know more than most that Megan is not perfect. I know that she doesn’t want people to make a deal about her. I know that she does this constant service to us in this house because she wants to. I know that she longs to be a consistent view of Jesus to me and our boys. I also know that I fail to recognize it and appreciate it. I take my wife’s selflessness for granted. I look past it and EXPECT it. I feel like I am ENTITLED to it because she has given it so often and consistently.
I know I do the same thing with Jesus. He has showered me with goodness and grace in unending supply. I have come to EXPECT it and feel ENTITLED to it.
I am sorry that Meg didn’t get her latte yesterday. But I am thankful for what it allowed me to see. I hate the ugliness in my heart. I love that Jesus is flushing it out. I love my wife. I think she is amazing. I just wish I was better at showing her my appreciation and love. I guess a blog is a decent start….
Let’s hope so…..
I love you Meg…thanks for being you…I don’t deserve you but am so glad you are mine.